I have to say something if I want to sing but it’s not without the words it’s my voice rising to a place far from me that my fingers can’t reach and my legs are so tired from all this standing still.
All of my dreams are memories that I can’t place to a time or a face but my body knows of the ribbons and bows that I once was tied in in my mothers skin, before and again.”
Learning to cease the moment has proven the hardest task for me to grasp. Even when a second counts, and counts down to the unbearable truth; I still run from life. From life’s could haves. Out of fear, naturally. Fearing I am not justified. But this moment, that moment, an honest relapsing moment I’ve played, planned, predicted; I can not satisfy. Why am I afraid of truth? As this moment stands, here, shared, now, I feel I can never be enough. I don’t deserve this shared moment. The silence is killing me. How could I be here in this moment with you? Think not it you, and I think not of how this lack of ambition must project onto you. But know it is of the opposite nature. I fear you, for I see happiness in your eyes. Instead of possible annihilation or, rather, a reciprocated knowing, I stand, trying to inhale the true happiness that could be. Try to hold on to the feeling of your present soul without challenging the possibility that I may lose you. The happiness. But a dream. Can’t I know what lies within you? Tell me all you see, dear. For I cannot translate your outer shell; The vacate you hold which shelters the inner truths you keep.
I’m too afraid. The pressure. How the pressure builds. But to know what you keep, to be nothing but in complete sync with you, that is heaven. I want nothing more than to be with you, in mind. In soul. Can’t words work for us, love? Can’t we leave our egos behind? I scare the things I love the most for when I love I love true.
My truth, in your presence I feel full. You are the most beautiful soul I have ever seen or known. I would be truly lost without you. Just knowing you ARE makes me joyous. You are my family. You never stop intriguing me. You fascinate me. Your laugh is comfort. Your clumsiness is adorable. I am proud to have you by my side. You are incredibly intelligent, thoughtful and loving. You are my love. I love you.
To put it simply.
You are home.
I regret the moments I have wasted. Never shall I question the things I love again. One knows not when that in which you love the most will be no longer free to roam. How I respect the freedom I once ran from. Where was I, dear. Where was I all those years.